So here's a little tale about two of some the brighter characters that play in the NFL. Glorious stories like these help you remember that sometimes it's not about what's upstairs that gets you a job, but your sheer physical ability because these 2 knuckleheads would never have made it in the NFL if brains were required. So come along with me on this fun little journey.
Story #1 - "Are you going to be bringing that gun with you on the flight sir?"
Shaun Rogers, a man of mythical size. He plays for the Cleveland Browns, and is a rather large specimen. Pushing the scales at 6'4" and approximately 350 lbs., you would think a guy like him wouldn't be super worried about personal safety when boarding a plane. So imagine the TSA's surprise when this woolly mammoth of a man comes through the security checkpoint and low and behold there's a .45 pistol in his carry-on handbag. Now I definitely don't fly enough to know all the tricks of the trade and all of the do's and donts, but even I am pretty sure guns are not allowed on the plane in your carry-on. I can only imagine how that conversation went down when his bag went through the x-ray machine and Mildred, the 65 year old lady who looks like the lunch lady in a TSA suit did a double take at the monitor. "Excuse me big fella, I'm going to need you to come over here." I would love to be behind Mr. Rogers as this whole experience went down. First because he would make me look like a rather normal sized human being, second because I would want to video tape the initial response. "Am I being punk'd?" Something to that effect.
Then once they pull out the pistol, I'd love to hear the excuse he pulled out of his nether regions. "Uhhhh, that's not mine. This isn't even my bag? Crap, I guess I forgot it was in there..." Mildred would show little sympathy, "Yeah right big boy, we hear that one all the time." Then she would proceed to slap the beast with handcuffs. Airport security at its finest. The day David took down Goliath.
Now I know this guy's got some scruples, and I'm sure he even knows it's illegal to carry on a gun. So what does this mean? Does he just have a plethora of carry-on style bags at home with a .45 in every one? Did he mistake it for his i-pod? "Oh man, this has the same cover as my i-pod? I totally spaced out here!" I know someone that got slapped with a hefty fine for having a cheese knife in their carry-on bag. I can understand that slipping through the cracks. But if you'e ever seen or held a .45 pistol, you know it's not the most discreet weapon on the market. Did he pack in the dark? Either way, he didn't win any genius points for this miniature disaster. That deserves a Sunday Night Football "COME ON MAN!"
Story #2 - "Blueberry Muffins for breakfast!"
Einstein #2 of the day belongs to the Arizona Cardinals' arch nemesis, Santonio Holmes. Known around the nation as the man who made the winning touchdown catch in last year's Super Bowl, this gem has recently been in the news. You may have heard about his run in with a rather spicy female at a night club. She was hogging the VIP area, and Santonio asked if she would leave. She had no idea who he was, cuz I'm guessing he wasn't wearing his jersey at the club. Some of these people that wear helmets for a living expect us to know who they are in street clothes and gigantic sunglasses in a night club ya know...
Well bad went to worse, and Santonio got in a cat fight with this woman. Pretty soon a supposed pimp slap ensued and a couple weeks later, the lady was filing an assault charge against him. Tis the season for the innocent to make some money! Nothing ever came of it though, and all charges were dropped. She probably walked away with a little fatter wallet, but who knows. Those Steelers love to torment the lady folk! *COUGH* Ben Roethlisberger *COUGH* but I digress..
Now I could see chalking this little incident up to the heat of the moment and tempers flaring. Then it gets reported a couple of days later that Mr. Holmes may have shared a little too much info on his twitter account. Twitter can be these guys' best friend or worst enemy depending on various things such as your IQ level, or your common sense... A couple of mornings ago he got himself out of bed, decided to announce he was out of bed by saying "Good morning. Time for a wake and bake!"
Wait a minute, did he just invite me over for breakfast? I think not. Now I'm not down with all of the "lingo" as it were when it comes to partaking in illegal activities such as drugs, but I'm pretty sure he's not talking about breakfast. Sounds to me like someone's partaking in the whacky tobaccy! Makes sense, nothing beats a good morning light first thing in the morning so I've been told. Hold on, isn't that illegal substance abuse? I'm pretty sure he can get in trouble with the NFL's prinicpal Roger Goodell for making such statements and doing such activities. That would be like me posting on Facebook "Hey guys, anyone got any needles I can borrow? I've uh, got some medicine I need to take." Santonio, take my advice bro, if you can't keep such activities off of twitter and to yourself, maybe you should get off of Twitter. I'm just sayin... You aren't doing yourself any favors.
I can't wait until the NFL outlaws such activities as Twitter and Facebook. These guys won't know what to do with themselves. They'll think their birthday had just been taken away. Some of these guys don't realize what they've got going and how easily it can be taken away. I think the NFL should just hire Michael Vick on full time to be a motivational speaker for the lower percentile of the intelligence quotient in the league. One more time, Mr. Holmes, you deserve a big ol' "COME ON MAN!"
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