What in the world?!

Just when I thought I'd heard it all, a New Jersey man changes history forever.  I'm not sure exactly what would cause someone to think this was a good idea, but the following is a true story I heard today.

Meet Matthew Clemens, just your standard average MLB baseball goer:

Why is his one eye swollen shut you ask?  Good question.  It turns out this upstanding citizen decided to get revenge for his friend who was kicked out of the Philadelphia Phillies' game Wednesday night for lewd behavior.  What was the revenge you ask?  Even greater question.  It turns out Mr. Clemens' defensive attack of choice was vomiting.  Intentionally.  That's right folks, one of Philly's finest, upon command, stuck his fingers down his throat to induce vomiting so he could puke all over the man and one of his daughters who sat in front of him at the game that ratted his buddy out for swearing, spitting, and dropping beer over the same people that sat in front of him.

Now I've heard of many forms of revenge in my day, but puke?  Come on, people!  Now to make this guy's instantly bad night even worse, it turns out the man he puked on that turned his buddy in was an off duty police officer.  Whoops!  Not just an off duty officer, but the off duty officer's 11 year old daughter.  Game over, man. In his valiant effort to defend his idiot friend's wrong-doings, boy genius just turned himself into felony material.  His buddy may have been a jerk, but the vomit monster is now behind bars.  Hindsight is always 20/20, but doing this selfless act cost this man his freedom.  He know has a bail of $36,000 until the court system of Pennsylvania can figure out exactly what to do with this gem.

Not only did he vomit, but he decided to punch the off duty officer in the face.  I guess that gives a new meaning to the phrase "The hits just keep on coming" for both parties involved.  Now add assault to his violent vomiting charge, or whatever you may call the discharge of bodily fluids out of one's mouth to his rap sheet.

Needless to say, a few decent fans came to this man's rescue after witnessing the preceding events and one of them donkey punched him in his left eye.  Apparently he managed to keep puking as a real on-duty officer showed up as he was hit with some collateral damage as well.  Talk about a night at the ballpark going downhill fast.  Someone could use a hug from mom, pronto!

If it turns out this guy has some sort of disease, let's say AIDS, he could be going away for quite some time.  It just so happens that bodily fluids being hurled at another human being is a big deal ladies & gentlemen.  Not something to be taken lightly.  So the next time you decide to spit, puke, pee, whatever onto someone else, make sure you know the ramifications involved as it might just be the last bodily fluid you use.  As a free man or woman of course...